I slipped up today without knowing it and told Jami’s roommate that she has MRSA. I assumed she would tell someone that close to her, so I didn’t know he didn’t know. So I feel guilty for letting the cat out of the bag at the same time I feel angry that she and others won’t warn those around them. This man was stunned and felt offended and hurt that he would be put at risk without knowing for so long, about seven months. At first I panicked and begged him not to tell her I told him but then thought about the pressure that put on him and said to let her know I told him. I’ve heard about this with HIV but this seems worse since it is so much more contagious. This man has been sharing cigarettes, drinks, and towels with my daughter and her boyfriend and is now going to get tested for MRSA.
I wrote last time about people living in denial and I’m still finding this hard to deal with. My youngest daughter, Jess, refuses to believe her sister is sick at all so I don’t always get a lot of support in my efforts! Yesterday Jami wanted to come over to do her laundry but I had my granddaughters over here and I was so afraid of exposing them especially when she has active, draining, boils right now so I just offered to go get her laundry and do it for her. When I got there I was very glad for my choice because the boil was on her lower stomach and her shirt didn’t meet her pants leaving the weeping sore wide open. I say and do what I can but my daughter is thirty years old, no longer under my rule no matter how I might wish she was. Then later last night my middle daughter, Jeanette, called me to come over and give her a ride somewhere and her husband, Rob, made it clear he didn’t want us near them because I still visit Jami. I guess he wants me to give her up or give up seeing his children, and it made me angry and at the same time I was totally sympathetic to his fear. It was mostly his attitude that got to me. Like Jami was filthy and so were we. I’ve never cared much for him, he conned me out of a large portion of my disability when I tried to get close to him, but he is family now. A family with a MRSA victim. The word quandary comes to mind. I feel pulled in all directions. I explained to my son-in-law in detail the precautions I take when I have visited Jami, which is I come home and go straight to the bathroom and strip and bag my clothes and shower with antibacterial soap which seems like a lot but he still asked me, “So, is it at all possible that you can catch this from Jami and carry it to us?” and I had to say that yes, there is still that remote possibility as there is also a possibility that he himself is around someone with it in the hot, sweaty, factory he works in. I bristled and felt a hot anger that he would treat us like lepers, and like I would carelessly endanger my own. There ws NO sympathy for Jami or those who love her and are watching her die. I don’t want this to tear my family apart nor do I want to watch us all fall victim to it. Yes. Quandary is the word for the day. Finding a balance to our family life with MRSA in the midst if that is possible. The only other thing I know to do is to cling to faith that God is with us both living and dying and, beyond our human efforts, our lives are in His capable hands. God grant us the serenity…